A chess approach

Feeling terribly deppressive leaded me to play some computer games for relax last night till morning. There was lots of personal reasons for it. My academic life is somewhat damaged by my late performance, in last six hours i broke up with three different people and lots of times. Economically i already bankrupt no more available to pay my debts, no more support from my family anymore eventhough i still staying with them at least solves my place problem and i can have dinner and breakfast if i am the right place at the right time. I closed accounts of an one-and-half year relationship because of frequent destructive minor problems. (And their deeper roots) My now-going girlfriend has lots of personal problems on her account too. I found she is similar to me in lots of ways and i am a hard person to be with.

I was at the edge of seeing the life as a burden. And not even chess was looking friendly to me rather i was feeling she was another sneaky enemy. Chess is great fun, in addition to its great tool properties of teaching and helping in our lifes. It is improving our personality, increasing our determination etc.

Or does she requires them to make herself enable to play? I am not sure about it. But i have found out i have lots of deficiencies and shortcomings in my personality and psycology. And have no idea about how to solve them.

One of the problems was self-confidence: Exponential problem of improving was a great danger to trap with it. Let me clear what i am talking about. When you want to achieve something, you usually find that you need a plan. At planing stage you are considering your goals details and your route. After deciding your plan, you usually don't even notice you just rephrased your goal in some other terms of achievements. Then you are going to your application of your plan. But here you are coinciding with other problems you should solve before your making your next move. If you are able to see a little bigger picture then you notice the geometry of your plan. You want to solve a problem, then you cut it into little pieces now you have more easier but more problems. But still none of them has a solution but they are easy. You cut them infinitely they would be still unsoluable easier problems and they will have become numbers. At the most basic level they are more definitions then problems and you need to assume to continue. Every of your assumptions have a tendency to contain a mistake in it although not required to be. Somethings are a priori for you, you can't think about them or criticize them although they are not required to be true in definition. Lets pass this and look for another aspect of it. When you are considering a problem you might found it is only a little piece of a bigger problem!

While you were wandering between ambiguity and infiniteness you can feel tense about not doing at all. Every differential equation must have a solution but some of them are insoluable by definiton. Or if you need a clearer example please just do some research about many body problem and try to solve yourself. (there is no need for the word yourself here) Another interesting view might be researching about knowledge philosophy and Poincare's comments about it.

The great depth of exponential problem of improvement ( i admit i have stolen the expression from Rowson's exponential problem of chess) is proving exhaustive and you (regardless of variations you chose) lost confidence in somewhere of it.

What to do ?
The most common approach is pragmatic one. Actually problems are started because of pragmatism but some people still find ways of ignoring the not-so-important section with in pragmatic view. I personally dont have a solution just lost instead.

To resist being mentally exhausted you need the determination of having fun from it and forgeting the results, needs, improvement section although the fun itself is even related to improvement. At least it basically protects from such a disaster. Playing for fun is not because why do you play chess question but the other answers have greater complications causes too much trouble. I do not playing the game for fun but because i want to live the way of a grandmasters life-style. Travelling between international tournaments making post-mortem analysizes with them. And escaping from the usual bosses but i am very likely to be fail. Thinking about i will probably fail ensures i will fail and so on. Fun is more self-created reason for myself in order to save myself that kind of complications in order to improve my chances with more efficient study. (Less self-destructing time)